


Guiding Light

by gerardtouchedthebutt



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Afghanistan, Alcholism, Depression, Doctors, Drinking, Frerard, Gay, Grave, Major Character Injury, Multi, Therapy, War, angel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 04:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gerardtouchedthebutt/pseuds/gerardtouchedthebutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I haven’t ‘been seeing’ anything,” he muttered, using air quotes. “I told you, I’m not crazy. I know the difference between the supernatural and reality.”<br/>She looked down at her notes before letting out a slow sigh. “It says here that you’ve been talking of an angel..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guiding Light

**Author's Note:**

> “For it was not into my ear that you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” – Judy Garland.
> 
> Recommended to Listen to 'The End of All Things' by Panic! At the Disco

Gerard never liked the therapists. It was always so dark and the woman on the reception desk always looked like she was going to drop dead at any given chance. The decor looked ancient; the very arm chair he was sitting on was so torn and run down that he thought he would fall through the seat any minute. 

Clammy hands were the usual for the twenty seven year old male, but he still found it disgusting when each new wave of sweat came on. He shook it off and buried his hands on his pockets before his wife pulled them one out.

“Gee?” Lindsey whispered, stroking over the back of his hand gently, tracing over the lines. “Hey, you zoned out there.”

Gerard looked up at her and smiled softly. He brought a hand up to her hair, stroking through it gently. “Sorry,” he whispered, kissing the back of her hand with his chapped lips before pulling away. “Just thinking, y’know? I’m nervous,” he admitted, sighing softly and looking at his watch.

“It’ll be okay, honey,” she reassured and soon enough, Gerard was called into the doctor’s office. 

He was sat down on a comfortable chair and was given a glass of water. 

The doctor that looked back at him was an old woman with a familiar face. Gerard had seen her many times before, but it had been several years since the last time. She was old now, hair greying and face wrinkling a little. Her eyes remained brilliant blue, but now looked somewhat haunted, probably due to the horror stories she had to endure over the years. 

“Gerard,” she greeted, voice thick and soft as velvet. 

He swallowed, looked up at her with a dry throat. “Hello,” he murmured, sipping his water. “Um...”

“So... Do you know why you’re here?” She said to begin with, a simple question that Gerard rolled his eyes at. 

He huffed lightly and looked away. “I’m not crazy,” he murmured. “I don’t even need this.”

“Lindsey tells me you’ve been... Seeing things?” She prompted, raising an eyebrow. “What things?”

“I haven’t ‘been seeing’ anything,” he muttered, using air quotes. “I told you, I’m not crazy. I know the difference between the supernatural and reality.”

She looked down at her notes before letting out a slow sigh. “It says here that you’ve been talking of an angel,” she told him, looking up at him. Gerard frowned and waited for her to continue; “the angel of Frank, your best friend. Does this ring any bells?” 

He rolled his eyes and frowned deeper. “Of course. I do see Frankie.”

“Can you tell me a little more about this friend, Gerard?”

Gerard hummed and bit his lips as he thought of what to say. Once he’d ordered his words he looked up at her.

“Frank was my best friend,” he started. “I met him out in Afghanistan 16 years ago when were both serving. He was eighteen and I was twenty two.” He swallowed, twiddling his thumbs. “We met on the plane on the way back for our leave. We got talking and it turned out we were from the same place.

“We knew each other for a couple of years before we both served a final six month... sentence.”

She raised an eyebrow slowly, inquisitive. “You call it a sentence?”

Gerard sighed and nodded, looking at his hands. “You never know whether you’re going to live or die. I assume it’s like being on death row.”

“So, what happened on this six month... sentence?” Gerard sighed, his breathing started to get shaky. The doctor noticed and noted it down subtly before adding: “take your time.”

Gerard sucked on his lip and let it go. “I watched him die,” he whispered, voice hoarse and tears threatening to make an appearance. 

***

“Right, Frank,” Gerard instructed from one hundred metres away. They communicated by a two way radio, Gerard shaking with nerves. “You just got one more step to do,” he spoke down their hurriedly. “But you’ve got five minutes to do it.”

Frank sighed and was nearly in tears. “Gee... I can’t,” he whispered down the radio. His hands were shaking and he started to let his tears roll.

“Lieutenant Iero,” Gerard said firmly. “I believe in you.” He looked at his watch. “Come on Frankie.”

Frank, hands shaking, leaned down and started pulling out one of the wires to the bomb. Gerard listened out and when he heard a click he started to panic. “Get out there Frank, now!” He cried down the microphone. Frank had already realised and they both started running for safety.

Frank had the disadvantage of being the smallest male in their platoon. He couldn’t run very fast or far, and when he did his chest would tighten. He felt the air around him become thick, and he breathed harder and faster, until he couldn’t hear anything. Gerard whipped around and screamed out Frank’s name, eyes widening. 

Frank was lying on the floor, the bomb having detonated. 

Gerard screamed out and rushed forward to try and save him, but his comrades pulled him back. The commander tried to reach Frank on the radio, but there was no reply. Gerard was pulled down back into the shelter and seen to. 

Everything was in slow motion in his eyes; the doctors rushing around him were blurry and his hearing was muffled. All he could hear was his own breathing, and the sound of Frank’s strangled last cry ringing repeatedly in his ears, a noise that would haunt him forever.

The rescue team waited until the dust had settled over the land until rushing out to get Frank. They brought him back in two bits, one of his legs dismembered by the power of the blast. He was laid down on the table in the doctor’s quarters, examined, and pronounced dead. 

Gerard went to see him after he had calmed down, tears in his eyes and feeling guilty. He felt like he had been responsible, as his partner, for his death. He went to see the body lying on the makeshift table, pulling back the cloth and looking at the boy’s face.

Frank’s face looked somewhat calm for the state of the rest of his body. Gerard looked briefly under the sheet before deciding the boy needed his dignity and that he would leave him in peace. He pulled the sheet back up so Gerard could just see his face, putting a kiss on his index and middle fingers of his left hand before placing them on his forehead. “Sleep tight, my angel,” he whispered softly, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Sleep tight.”

***

The doctor took notes on Gerard’s words and she hummed in thought for a while, before asking him: “what’s the significance of the kiss to you, Gerard? Was it friendly, or was there more meaning to it?”

Gerard sucked in a breath, wiping away the tears that had resurfaced. “What?” He sniffed. 

“Were you more than just friends or platonic?” She pressed again, “Because it seems to me there more feelings there.”

Gerard bit his lips and looked away. “I... I don’t know what to say,” he said softly. 

The doctor nodded and wrote it down. “Is it hard to tell me the truth?” She asked. 

Gerard met eyes with her briefly. “The truth... The truth is that we were more,” he admitted. “We were much more.”

The doctor nodded. “And... This started when?”

“It started when he had night mares while we were asleep in the barracks,” he said, biting his lips and looking at the door. “He would jump into my bed and curl up with me and we would talk.”

“What about?” She prompted. 

“Everything.”

*** 

“Gerard?” Frank whispered, poking Gerard’s nose, the way he would usually wake him up. Gerard opened his eyes and smiled lazily at him. 

“Hey,” he whispered groggily, shuffling over in his bunk and letting the smaller male climb in carefully. 

Frank curled up in front of him, which Gerard responded to by curling up around his body. Frank snivelled and grabbed his hand, holding it tight. Gerard made a soft noise and buried into the back of his head. 

Frank swallowed and played with his fingers for while. “Gerard?” He whispered softly. Gerard nodded in response, not quite finding his words yet. “Have you ever been... Y’know... Curious?” He asked softly, twiddling Gerard’s long fingers. 

Gerard raised an eyebrow and breathed heavily down the back of Frank’s neck. “What’s brought this on?” He asked softly, avoiding the question until he knew the motive. 

Frank chewed on his lip a little and sighed a little. “I think... I think I like men,” he whispered, swallowing. “I don’t know why... But I keep having thoughts.”

Gerard chuckled softly and nodded in understanding. “I know what you’re going through,” he whispered softly. “In answer to your question: yes. I have been curious, and I explored. Does that make you feel better?”

Frank nodded and leaned back into him softly. “How did you... Know?” He asked, biting his lip.

Gerard chuckled and held his chest. “When we had gym in high school and I kept looking at the guys,” he chuckled. “It was at first more of an appearance thing, to make sure I looked like everyone else, to make sure I was growing at the same rate, but then it became more of an enjoyment thing.”

Frank reached the wedding ring on Gerard’s fourth finger. “You’re married, right?” He whispered, twisting the band of gold on the older man’s finger. 

Gerard nodded and sighed softly. “Yes I have. Just under five years now,” he nodded. “Why?”

“I just wondered... If you would help me,” Frank said softly, a blush dusting his cheeks and a small smiled playing on his lips.

“Help you with what?” Gerard asked, holding Frank’s hand. 

“Exploring,” he said simply, turning over carefully so not to knock the other man out of the other side of the bed. 

Gerard raised an eyebrow and raised his hand to caress his cheek softly. “You’ll have to tell me what you mean, honey. Otherwise I won’t know,” he said softly, returning the cute smile on Frank’s face. 

Frank moved his hand to hold the older man’s waist and moved his head closer, pressing their lips together gently. Gerard shuddered delightfully at the feel of the younger boy’s lips on his. The older man rested his palm on the back of Frank’s head, playing with the soft locks of chocolate brown hair that covered his head. He moved with him and eventually parted his lips in the kiss, showing he was comfortable. Frank gently teased Gerard’s bottom lip with his tongue before breaking the kiss with the need for air. 

Gerard panted softly and quietly, blushing softly. “Oh... Wow,” he whispered, stroking through Frank’s hair softly. Frank caught his breath and moved his hand to hold Gerard’s waist. 

“I think I know now,” he whispered in his ear, kissing down his neck. 

*** 

The doctor finished writing down on her pad and nodded at him. “Did you ever engage in sexual activity?”

Gerard blushed darkly and ran his fingers through his hair. “Once,” he said softly. “We did once, after a party we had back here.”

She nodded. “How did that make you feel?”

Gerard smiled fondly at the memory. “It was... Special,” he whispered. “Like someone finding out their talent for the first time and a huge amount of power is bestowed on them, y’know? Like when a guitarist plays the strings for the first time and he creates a tune that’s bliss. It was that... it was bliss.”

The doctor nodded, writing down some notes. “And while this was going on, you had no regard for Lindsey?”

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes. “Of course I did.”

“Then why did you passionately kiss and engage with sexual activity with another?”

Gerard sucked on the inside of his lip. “I felt something for both of them. I feel... Lindsey’s more of a life companion on a best friend level. We married at a young age... We were young and stupid, but we have always loved each other, but in a different way... With Frank, it felt so real. Every touch was a burst of energy and each kiss had so much love in it.

She nodded and lay back in her chair, leaving a little silence before attempting to interrogate him further. 

“Can you tell me about the funeral?”

Gerard closed his eyes and nodded a little. “We put him in a coffin in Afghanistan and said our final goodbyes there, having a little ceremony to celebrate his life and achievements. I said from the start that I wanted to carry his coffin back to America, and so I was granted two days leave to do so.

“We flew back to New Jersey and carried him out of the plane, y’know, like you see on TV. A lot of people attended the ceremony in the church and then his mother, his family, and the coffin bearers went to the grave to say our goodbyes.

“It was hard, putting a man in the ground. He was twenty two,” he whispered, choking up again. “He was so young.”

She nodded and leaned to give him a tissue which Gerard took gratefully. 

“So, then what happened?” She asked, noting a few things down before giving him her full attention. 

“Well, I started visiting his grave about two years after his death and just sitting there, y’know, talking to him like we used to. I couldn’t face much after his passing, and I retired from the army. I focused on art for a couple of years, before facing the past again.”

*** 

“Hey, Frankie,” Gerard greeted, smiling sadly at the mass of stone sitting at the head of the plot. He held in his hand a bouquet of red roses, similar to the ones already lying there. He knew they were Frank’s favourite flowers from a conversation they had once. He also had a bottle of cleaning liquid and a cloth to wipe down the stone. 

He started to clean the pristine headstone and scraped away a few unwelcome pieces of bird excrement. He sighed and looked at the stone, reading the message over and over in his head. 

‘Frank Iero,

31-10-1981 to 21-09-2004,

Loving son, caring friend,

Rest in Peace, our Angel.’

Gerard sniffed and tugged at the cuffs of his sleeves, bottom lip wobbling. He sat down in front of the stone, biting his lips and wiping his wet eyes with a tissue he had in his coat pocket. He sat there in silence for while before breaking down in heavy floods of tears. 

“Just... Just don’t be dead,” he whispered softly, looking up at the stone and sniffing. “I miss you so much, my angel...”

Gerard bit his lips and sat there, running his fingers over the words engraved in the stone. “You know, I never thought it would happen. Even after the funeral, I expected to come walking into my house and into my arms, telling me you’d just been on a little trip. My heart hurts, Frankie. Make me feel better.”

He sat there and eventually leaned against the stone. “You know, Lindsey is expecting,” he said softly. “We’re gonna have a little girl, Frank. I’m going to be a freaking dad. I can’t even look after a freaking plant without it dying.”

Gerard waited a little, knowing exactly what Frank would have said. 

‘You’re gonna be great, Gerard. You’re such a caring man. She’s gonna be such a lucky girl.’

Gerard sighed and stroked the cold stone with the tips of his fingers before signing off in his signature style. He kissed his index finger and middle finger, pressing it to the stone. “Sleep tight, my Angel.”

Unbeknownst to Gerard, Frank had been there the whole time. He was sitting next to the mortal, leaning against the stone in his separate void and listening to him carefully. Only God knew how much he wanted to reach out and touch Gerard, how much he wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay; tell him that he was there for him. 

Gerard laid the roses at the grave and looked at it before walking away. 

*** 

The doctor listened, not noting anything down, hooked onto the emotion in Gerard’s voice. “I see,” she whispered. 

Gerard nodded and played with the cuffs of his sleeves. “I visit the grave a lot,” he explained.

“So when did you start seeing the angel?” She asked, getting her pad and writing some stuff. 

“Uh...” Gerard hummed, trying to recall the moment. “It was on my birthday, around four years ago, five years after his death.”

She nodded. “What happened?”

“Well, I went to see the grave with some of my birthday cake. I became stressed out after a meal with my family. My family were crowding me and I felt trapped, and all I wanted to do was see him.”

***

Gerard walked up the hill to the plot of his best friend. He had taken a torch to guide his path up there. It was like a second home to him now, and he found more comfort in sitting on the ground next to the grave than he found in any art or music.

He sat down and opened the parcel of cake that his wife had given him to eat while he was up here and started to pick at it. 

Gerard was half way through the cake when he saw the presence next to him. He choked on his mouthful and jumped up, startled and shaking. 

He took a look at the presence there and bit his lips. The face that looked up at him was familiar. He wore a band t-shirt and ripped jeans and had the face... The face of Frank.

Gerard choked and spat out his cake. “Oh my god, who the fuck are you?” He demanded, shaking. 

Frank looked up at him with his perfectly curved eyebrows, red lips and piercing green eyes, smiling delightfully up at him. “Hello, Gerard.”

Gerard bit his lips and crossed his arms across his chest. “Who are you?”

Frank frowned and stood up, walking towards him. “Do not be afraid, Gerard,” he whispered softly. He wings had risen up from behind him and he reached out to take his hand. “It’s Frank. Don’t you recognise me?”

Gerard was lost for words. “I-I... Frank? I knew it was your face... What the fuck’s going on?”

Frank sighed softly and closed his eyes. “Well... I’m an angel. After I died, an angel saved my soul and took me to heaven. It took years, but I got enough strength to emit myself through to you from the other side. Come here,” he whispered, out stretching his hand a little. 

Gerard took his hand hesitantly and gasped a little at the heat he felt. “Jesus, Frank,” he muttered, pulling on his gloves before he touched him again. Frank pulled him into his arms and wrapped his presence around him. He wings folded down to wrap around Gerard, enclosing him in a circle of love. 

Gerard breathed out shakily and bit his lips. “Wow... This is real, right? This isn’t... This isn’t a trick?”

Frank shook his head and pulled away from his shoulder to look at his face. He cupped his cheek carefully, Gerard gasping softly at the temperature and closing his eyes at the bright light that Frank radiated. “Don’t be afraid, Gerard,” he whispered softly, pressing his lips to the mortal man’s softly. 

They kissed for what seemed like a blissful eternity, Frank’s arm wrapped around the other’s waist, Gerard’s hand exploring every aspect of the angel’s body. 

Gerard eventually pulled away, red lips and red cheeks. “Oh my, gosh,” he whispered softly. “It’s... It’s you.”

Frank nodded and held his hand tight. “Sit down. We need to talk,” he whispered. 

So, they sat at the head of the grave and Gerard snuggled into Frank’s heat. 

“Your clothes look familiar. Have I seen you in that before?” Gerard mumbled, stroking Frank’s waist where he had his arms around it. 

Frank nodded stroked Gerard’s hair softly, kissing his temple. “Angels take on the appearance of what they were wearing on the best day of their mortal lives. The night of the party, the night we had sex, I was wearing this.”

Gerard smiled and nodded, remembering the night fondly. “Yeah, yeah... I remember now,” he confirmed. Then he raised an eyebrow. “That was the best day of your life?” He asked.

Frank nodded and continued to twirl his locks around his fingers. “Yeah, it was. I felt completely perfect and cared for. It was amazing.”

Gerard smiled fondly and kissed his chest. 

“So why have I never seen you before?”

“I didn’t have enough strength, and honestly I didn’t want to startle you so soon after my passing,” he murmured, sighing softly. “New angels don’t have enough strength to emit themselves through the void. We feed off of people’s emotions. I feed off of all of yours. I decided I wanted to surprise you, and I saved up enough energy to be here on your birthday.”

Gerard bit his lips and sighed softly. “So, after tonight, will I never see you again?” He whispered, fearful for the response. 

Frank shook his head. “You’ll see me whenever you want. I have enough strength to last years, now.” 

Gerard smiled and held him close. “So... Have you always been here?”

Frank nodded. “I’ve been here a while, actually. Every time you come here, I sit with you and listen contently. I look over you every day,” he whispered, “just to make sure you’re okay. Congratulations on your daughter, by the way,” he smiled softly. “She’s adorable.”

Gerard blushed and chuckled softly. “Thanks. She’s truly a blessing. Doctors said it was a miracle she survived. She was such a small baby. She was two months premature and her lungs weren’t working properly.”

Frank listened and kissed his hair. “I couldn’t just let her die, could I?” He said softly, stroking his hair. 

Gerard pulled away a little bit to look up at him. “Y-You... You Saved her?” He whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek. Frank nodded, leaning into the touch welcomingly. Gerard grinned and pulled down his face to give him another kiss. “Oh my,” he whispered, peppering his face with butterfly kisses. “Thank you.”

Frank giggled and held his waist, letting the older male kiss him. “It’s okay,” he nodded, kissing his lips softly once again. “I visit her in her dreams sometimes. She’s so intelligent and strong, just like you. I watch over all your family, even Lindsey,” he said softly. “She worries about you constantly. You don’t show her as much love as you used to.”

Gerard sighed and shrugged, biting his lip nervously. “I can’t feel what I felt with you, with her,” he whispered, biting his lips. “It’s not that I don’t love her, because I do, but it’s like... It’s like ‘why settle for burgers when you’re had steak before?’.”

Frank visibly cringed and nudged him a little, and Gerard apologised. 

Gerard sighed and lay against him for while, just happy to be next to him and with him before saying: “I miss you.”

Frank nodded and felt himself well up. “I know,” he whispered in a high pitch. “I can feel it every day. It’s frustrated me so much that I can’t be there for you, Gerard. It sucked.”

Gerard nodded and held him. “I can always come and talk to you though, right? You’ll always be here when I need you, now?” 

Frank nodded and kissed his forehead. “Always and forever. I’m only a daydream away.”

Gerard let out a small noise and let him go, looking at his watch. “I better go,” he whispered, smiling sadly at Frank. 

Frank nodded and kissed his lips softly. “Okay. I’ll see you next time, Gee.” 

Gerard nodded, pressing his lips to his forehead and smiling a little. “Sleep tight, my angel.”

Frank smiled and kissed the back of his hand. “Until the next time.”

*** 

The doctor scribbled down fast to match the pace of what Gerard had been saying, and raised an eyebrow at the man’s smiling lips. 

“Are you okay?” She said softly. Gerard looked up at her and smiled fondly. 

“I like remembering that day,” he murmured. “It’s good for me.”

She nodded and crossed her legs, leaning back in the chair. The allotted time they had for the session was almost up and she had some burning questions to ask him. 

“Do you ever see him in your mind, Gerard?” She asked, leaning forward a little to indicate she was interested. 

Gerard nodded and locked eyes with her for the first time in their conversation. “Yes, I do, but only in desperate times of need does he come to me. It’s only when I visit the grave that he’s there solid.”

The doctor nodded. “And what are these times of need you say?”

“Like, when I’m stressed,” he nodded. “When I want a drink, he comes to me and tells me I’m stupid. When I feel unloved and alone, he comes to me and says that every thing’s okay and that he’s there for me.”

The doctor nodded and bit her lips before asking the last question. “Do you have any regrets regarding Frank? Things you wish you’d done? Were there any words that were left unspoken?” Gerard sucked on the corner of his mouth before nodding. Before she could ask the last question, they were interrupted by the receptionist knocking on the door and announcing that it was time to see the next patient.

Gerard left with a few goodbyes and ‘thank you’s before he left the room to join Lindsey, who was waiting for him in the reception, now having Bandit with her. He smiled, picked up his daughter and they left to walk out to the car, talking about their day.

When they were home, Lindsey received a phone call from the therapist. 

“This is Lindsey speaking, yes,” she confirmed as the doctor asked her if it was her.

“Well, I had an interesting chat with your husband today. I can’t tell you what he said due to confidentiality laws, but I can tell you what the problem is.”

Lindsey made a small hum and walked out of the kitchen where her husband and daughter were sitting down to some craft. 

“Okay, shoot,” she said when her husband was out of earshot.

“After his time in Afghanistan, it’s obvious that he has PTSD, which stands for post traumatic stress disorder. This has unfortunately led him on to develop a mild case of schizophrenia. Subsequently, the mind has played tricks on him to believe that Frank is an angel and he can see him and speak to him, but we all know that is not the case.”

Lindsey took this all in and hummed in an affirmative tone. “What do you suggest we do?” She whispered softly down the phone. 

The therapist hummed. “He’ll have to attend therapy sessions for a while and take some drugs. But the most important thing is to keep him away from that grave, okay?”

Lindsey made a frustrated noise. “That’s his favourite place to be, though. I can’t take that away from him.”

The therapist sighed. “I know, I know. But don’t you want him to get better?” She murmured, biting her lip on the other end of the phone. “He won’t be if he keeps seeing this presence.”

Lindsey nodded and sighed. “Okay, thank you doctor.”

She sighed. “Thank you too. Goodnight.”

Lindsey put the phone down and went back to her family, starting the dinner and stealing glances at her husband, knowing the pain she would cause him for the rest of his life.

*** 

The next ten years were bad for the Way family. Gerard was kept away from the grave for the entirety of the time, but kept seeing Frank in his head. He was getting more and more frustrated with the people around him, and the fact he wasn’t allowed to go to see his angel.

Gerard started to drink himself into depression, keeping to himself and immersing himself in his art. He drew pictures of Frank; Frank alive, Frank in battle, Frank and him kissing and Frank as an angel. Lindsey had visited his room once and saw the pictures and said nothing to him that would have provoked some feelings, but she felt betrayed by her own husband. 

The pair eventually got a divorce; Lindsey claimed that she couldn’t cope with the stress looking after Gerard would pile on her, and the depression and the drinking problems that would affect her and her child. Gerard was distraught, but he moved out of the house into a flat, where he drank himself further into the depression, and was almost never sober. 

It was ten years later that he collapsed due to his drinking habits, and was only rushed to hospital when a neighbour couldn’t get through to him to borrow some sugar. He was taken away in an ambulance to hospital, where he was later diagnosed with fatal liver disease, brought on by the extent of his drinking.

Gerard promised the doctors he would go tee-total, not drinking a drop for the sixth months he’d been given to live. In those six months, he started to visit Frank’s grave again, but never seeing the angel in his solid form. The angel didn’t completely disappear from Gerard’s mind, but the older male was never sober enough to remember if Frank had visited or not. However, he still claimed that he lived everyday due to Frank watching over him and saving him from death’s door.

It was a cold morning in January when Gerard decided to go and visit the grave for the first time that said year. It had been nineteen years since his love had passed away, and he wanted to visit the stone before he himself went the same way. 

He approached the monument on the top of the hill and stopped when he reached the stone. It had been eroded and worn down since it had first been placed there, and he took a seat at the stone head where he and Frank had shared many embraces. 

He sighed and looked at the lettering on the marble and bit his lips. “Hello, my angel,” he whispered softly, pressing a kiss to his index finger and the middle finger of his left hand and pressing it to the stone. “How’re you?”

Frank was sitting next to him on the other side of the void, not quite ready to make the cross yet. He reached across to brush out some hair of Gerard’s eyes, which the older man felt as a cool breeze on the winter’s day. The stone was cold underneath him and he leant against it, wrapped up in his trench coat. 

“I just wanted to come and say that I miss you,” he started. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come, but I was powerless against the ones that were holding me at home. I wanted to, and I was so grateful for your presence in my mind.”

Gerard sucked on his lips before continuing. “It turns out now I don’t have much time left on the earth,” he admitted, holding his own hand and sighing. “So I guess it’s the time to say words I never said, and things that I’m grateful for.

“Firstly, I need to say thank you for keeping me alive all this time. It mustn’t have been easy for you, but I’m so grateful for it. Secondly, I need to say thank you for saving Bandit, because she is the most wonderful child ever. I know you wanted to have children, and I feel as if you have a part in her parentage as much as I do. Thanks for watching over her.

“The last part of this,” he started, taking a heavy breath. His chest was starting to hurt and the normal pain in his body was starting to overwhelm him due to not having taken his tablets that morning. “The last part of this I guess is a goodbye. I know I won’t be around for much longer and I wanted to say goodbye. I hope that God takes pity on me and saved my soul from an eternity in hell, but I’ve never been a lucky man.”

Gerard sighed shakily, biting his lips. Frank was starting to push his way through the void, Gerard’s high emotions making it quite easy. He reached out and touched his hand gently, holding it. Gerard looked over to him and smiled as wide as he could manage with the pain taking over his being. “Frankie,” he breathed, snuggling closer into his warmth.

Frank took him into his arms and very quickly took the pain away from Gerard’s body and knowing he didn’t have long left, stole a quick kiss from him. “It’s okay, Gee, shh,” he whispered softly, stroking his hair. “Breathe, baby.”

Gerard took in a deep breath before looking up into his eyes, holding onto the back of his neck. He felt himself slipping away and he held onto him tight. “I never said it, Frankie,” he whispered softly, pressing their foreheads together. 

Frank breathed out a slow sigh, letting some of his own tears fall. “Said what, Gee?”

Gerard looked up at him, drawing a final breath. “I love you,” he whispered, attaching their lips in a soft kiss.

Frank gasped and felt the life slipping away from his true love, stroking his hair softly. “I know, Gerard. I love you too,” he sobbed, kissing his hair.

Nearby, the crypt keeper was locking up the doors to chapel when he saw a brilliant white light at the top of the hill. 

Frank had started to pull Gerard’s soul from his body, the skies opening through the dark clouds, perfect light streaming through from the heavens. He pulled his soul into his hands, a light orb with a sleeping face in the middle, a face that only Frank remembered. 

He flew up to the light and it engulfed him, the crypt keeper below watching with a parted mouth as the angel accented into the heaven with his love. 

Gerard’s soul quickly burst when Frank landed on the cloud outside heaven’s gates. Tears fell from the angel’s perfect green eyes and he held the remnants of the soul in his hands, the fragments slipping through his fingers like ash. “Gerard,” he whispered softly, trying not to cry. 

“Yes, Frank?” Gerard replied, leaning against the pristine white gates of heaven, arms crossed and a little smile playing on his face. 

Frank looked up and looked at the presence before him. He was wearing a chequered dress shirt and skinny jeans. He smiled, standing and going over to him. The taller man’s wings unfolded from his back and arched out into smooth feathered curved. Frank’s face lit up and jumped up to wrap his arms around him, holding him as close as he could get to him. 

“Gerard,” he breathed, and stepped away so the man could have his space. Gerard grinned and stroked his hair. 

Gerard breathed out a gently sigh of relief and kissing the smaller man’s forehead. “Come on, my angel. We have work to do.”

They walked through the gates of heaven and up the cobbled path, a place Gerard had envisioned in his sleep before, a place where Frank would often walk solitary on his own. 

Now, the angel man was accompanied by his love, and they were united.

“Forever,” breathed Frank, standing at the top of the street and looking down at the road they had walked. 

“Always,” Gerard smiled, looking ahead at the white distance they had yet to go.

**Author's Note:**

> For KG  
> Thank you to MH for encouraging and editing!
> 
> ~To clarify, Gerard was never crazy. He never had the illness that the doctor diagnosed him with and He did actually see the angel of Frank~


End file.
